46 Things No One Tells You About Parenting a Teenage Boy

If you think life with an almost-teenage boy is full of surprises, I’m here to tell you the biggest, baddest, and bestest is yet to come. More than big appetites and even bigger messes, parenting a teenage boy is magic and madness — and that’s what makes it so damn good.

Bridging those years between boyhood and manhood is basically what you’ve been training your whole parenting life for when you’re a Boy Mom. But just in case you have any doubt, I’ve tallied up the good and the bad when it comes to all the stuff no one tells you about parenting a teenage boy.

Here’s hoping it prepares you for what’s to come:

  1. Your greatest conversations will happen in the car while you both stare at the road.
  2. A young lady will break his heart, and you’ll secretly feel a little Mean Girl-ish about it.
  3. More often than not, he can fix your biggest TV/computer/cell phone woes.
  4. As desperate as he is to grow up, the idea still terrifies him.
  5. No mood, crush, favorite song, or ratty t-shirt lasts forever.
  6. You are easily the most uncool and most beloved person in his life.
  7. He’ll talk about his childhood like it’s a thing of the past …
  8. … and you’ll catch yourself doing it, too.
  9. He’d willingly eat his favorite food until he throws up.
  10. There’s tremendous freedom in no longer worrying about R-rated movies the way you used to.
  11. You can really see yourself becoming near-besties with him one day.
  12. He’ll sleep like IT’S HIS JOB.
  13. He’ll count his facial hairs.
  14. He won’t wear his retainer.
  15. He’ll overrun your shared data package. (Every. Damn. Month.)
  16. He still likes to hear the story of when he was born.
  17. There’s a very good possibility he’s forgotten how the house phone works … or that you even have one.
  18. Without ever realizing it, he’ll need your permission to cry sometimes.
  19. He’ll smell open containers of alcohol.
  20. He needs to be needed.
  21. He loves a good parlor trick.
  22. He is bored. So bored. Always bored.
  23. He’ll be slightly afraid to talk to his teachers.
  24. He’ll get angry sometimes for reasons he can’t explain.
  25. You love him more now than you ever have.
  26. He still likes cartoons.
  27. One stupid decision can change everything.
  28. He’ll care for you in unexpected ways.
  29. His relationship with his dad might get rocky.
  30. He’ll wish he had a bedroom lock.
  31. He’s way more expensive now than he ever was.
  32. He’s all awkward long limbs.
  33. He’s full of finger-tapping, pen-clicking, leg-bouncing, lip-popping, knuckle-knocking noises.
  34. Mom’s home cooking is still his favorite.
  35. He loves that you saved his baby clothes, artwork, and favorite toys.
  36. He can handle the truth.
  37. The public will treat him poorly sometimes because of his age.
  38. He’s hungry before he even finishes eating.
  39. He’s fiercely loyal to his family.
  40. He’ll hurt himself as often now as when he was a toddler.
  41. You’ll listen to young parents talking and wish potty training and nap schedules were your biggest concerns.
  42. He’s really bad at sharing food.
  43. He’ll say he “doesn’t care” when he’s afraid his opinion will get shut down.
  44. You’ll have trouble deciding if he’s forgetful, lazy, or both sometimes.
  45. He’s already one of the greatest people you’ve ever known …
  46. … and you’ll realize this is just the beginning
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