After analyzing the slide show of a mere 48 photos, here are nine things that we learned:
1. She had the good sense not to plan a plantation wedding. (We’re still side-eyeing you, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds.)
Paltrow and Falchuk got hitched in New York, reportedly at her Hamptons home.
2. If you haven’t eaten a pineapple held by a string over an open fire for 12 hours supervised by a chef who flew 5,000 miles from Chile, you haven’t lived.
Argentine chef Francis Mallman made the trek, and it was Paltrow’s “dream” to have him be in charge of the rehearsal dinner. (Who has a dream for their rehearsal dinner? Is this a thing women should be dreaming about?)
Chef Mario Carbone took over on the wedding day. Paltrow and Falchuk had their first date at one of his restaurants, and “having him cook for their wedding was a very special, full-circle moment,” according to the photo caption.
3. They have a wedding hashtag.
4. Throwing your grilled vegetables in a tarp is acceptable.
Also it takes four hours to grill these vegetables.
5. Her wedding dress had sleeves.
She wore Valentino for the ceremony, before changing into a Stella McCartney jumpsuit (with a cape! What a life) for the dance floor.
6. Robert Downey Jr. gave a toast, and by the looks of it, he crushed.
Unrelated to Downey but just something else to note: Cameron Diaz was casually getting her makeup done next to the bride. We did not spot Paltrow’s ex, the consciously uncoupled Chris Martin.
7. Steven Spielberg still uses a handheld camcorder.
8. Rob Lowe enjoys playing the air-guitar on a wedding reception dance floor, just like the rest of us mere middle-aged mortals.
The guests danced the night away to ’80s music.
9. Her wedding slide show could pass as a Pinterest board, and, wow, maybe she’s like Just Like Us after all.
Is it just that all wedding photos, no matter how luxurious the occasion, look kind of basic? Such an illusion of relatability to Paltrow is shattered once you discover the dinner plates, without food on them, probably cost about $57 each, and that it likely cost $285 for a throw pillow on an outdoor couch at the rehearsal dinner.
But the links are there, in case you’re interested!