Emotions run high after a breakup, especially if you were together for many years. You feel angry, scared, and betrayed. On the other hand, you might still love him, or want him back, or at the very least still feel some compassion for him.
All of these emotions are normal and expected after a breakup. In fact, the volatile emotions you both feel right now are precisely why you should avoid making any major decisions about the future. Most likely, you’re not using your sense of logic. You might be reacting to him, or thinking of the way he hurt you, or trying to think of ways to get back at him. Maybe you’re even trying to win him back.
The problem is all the conflicting emotions are distorting your perspective of right and wrong, and more importantly, productive and unproductive. There are many things you can right now, in the heat of the moment, and most of these things are a big mistake.
Let’s list seven of the most common things that women do, that they should NEVER do, and discuss why it’s a problem in the first place.
1. Stalk or harass him on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc.
Stalking is pretty bad on its own. But harassing him on social media? Throwing a fit on Facebook and inviting all your friends and family to witness the drama?
Bad idea. Very bad idea. No good comes from this, except people watching and sort of laughing/crying at the bizarre turn of events. Breakups should be private. When you put it out there in a public theatre, it becomes a spectator sport. You’re not going to like how it feels when it’s all said and done.
2. Drunk dial your ex.
I don’t think any love story ever starts with “Then I drunk dialed him…and we fell in love!”
I mean, it never happens! No matter how determined you are to tell him how you really feel, these exchanges never end well. You always try to influence him, rather than build attraction. You try too hard, you turn him off. You want to get stuff off your chest, and he reacts defensively.
Even in the best-case scenario, where you declare your undying love for him…while drunk and not looking or sounding your best…is not a good idea. If you must drink, don’t drive and don’t dial.
3. Have sex with your ex because…you know!
Sex with your ex is confusing. And yeah, it feels great for the moment. It’s not only taboo but it also gives you a false sense of closure. Or maybe a false sense of hope.
But whatever it is, it’s very rarely ever productive. It just starts you back at square one, trying to figure out where you stand with your ex. But the answer is inevitable – “nowhere.”
His attraction has not been reignited. Men don’t need much of a reason to have sex. If they do, then attraction tends to be quenched after it’s over. Sex with the ex is especially dangerous for lovesick partners. They sleep with their ex in hopes of getting back what they lost. But it doesn’t work that way. You can’t “get back” the past. Ever.
4. Sleep with his best friend.
If you think sleeping with your ex for no apparent reason is bad, imagine those women who try baiting their ex into a jealous rage by scoring with one of his friends. It’s ridiculous and somewhat dangerous. It also ruins a good friendship, not to mention any chances of getting back together. It’s a rather immature thing to do that proves nothing but causes a lot of drama. Avoid it.
5. Rebound with a bunch of easy guys.
It’s not as bad an idea as scoring with one of his friends…but it’s still a lousy idea. Look, we all get it. After dealing with low self-esteem that comes from a broken relationship, it’s normal to want to sleep with someone to reaffirm your confidence.
And maybe if you want to keep things casual, and he does as well, it’s not such a bad thing.
Then again, a lot of things can go wrong. You can become addicted to rebounding. You could start falling for these guys, when they probably have no serious intentions. You could even miss out on a great opportunity someday because you’re too busy playing the field – and running away from what you really want.
6. Start dating the new love of your life before you even break up with him.
This is a strange phenomenon I’ve heard of lately. It’s not just women doing it, guys do too. They don’t break up with their partner until they move in with someone else or immediately start dating someone else. It’s not only cheating, but is also self-sabotaging to the new relationship – which is created from a place of low self-esteem and desperation.
7. Stick around so you can get closure.
Probably a bad idea to stick around for closure because you never get it. Whatever you want from him, you will not get enough of it. He will never say the right thing to you. That’s kind of why you broke up in the first place!
Waiting for him is also a mistake. Waiting around in a dead relationship is one of the worst mistakes you can make. It’s better to be single and figure out what you’re going to do next, rather than sticking around and asking for the scraps of a relationship that’s over in his mind.
The point is, reacting emotionally will only elicit more emotions – from you, from your ex, and perhaps from other people in your life. Are the emotions you’re putting out there negative or positive? Are you thinking things through?
Do you want a “reaction” from the people you’re interacting with or are you coming up with a strategy? An end game? Or at least, some way to move forward and create a better future for yourself – one where you end up happy, not vengeful?
Revenge never makes people happy. Even if it feels good for the moment, all that it does is prolong the negativity. You have to let it go. One of the best ways to avoid prolonging that misery is to stop reacting and make decisions when emotions run high.
Allow yourself to feel the emotions. There’s nothing wrong with feeling them or even venting to someone. But resist taking any action until the most extreme emotions subside. When the time is right, you will be able to make a balanced decision, neither too logical nor too emotional. Then it will feel right and will lead to a happy future.
The post 7 Things You Should Never Do to Get Over a Breakup appeared first on DreamyHub.