Human relationships can be as complicated as they are necessary and inevitable. Be it your relationship with your parents, your siblings, your friends, and colleagues or your significant other, there is a lot to learn from meeting the challenges of dealing with another human being. However, perhaps the peskiest emotional rollercoaster of a relationship is the one-sided infatuation or crush, all of us have experienced at some point in our lives. People often neglect the gravity of what kind of effect being so deeply infatuated with someone has on an individual and will often dismiss these crushes as unimportant human experiences.
On quite the contrary, a deep crush can sometimes, be as emotionally taxing and energy-consuming as being in an actual relationship and many times we find ourselves negotiating with our own selves to be free from it and to find ways to, somehow, break the spell. Sometimes we will actually want to pursue a crush which can be an exciting and fun prospect. However, at times we know when a crush is just plain old bad news and, unfortunately, that knowledge is not enough for us to “snap out of it”. That’s when we need the tools or just good advice on how to shake the feeling and truly move on from an unwanted crush.
The best way to deal with a problem is to understand it better and the first step in getting rid of an unwanted crush would be to understand the kind of crush you are dealing with.
What Are The Types Of Crush To Recognize
1. The I’ve Known You Forever
This crush is built on the foundation of shared life; many times, we will grow up with someone and have a deep and long-standing history with them. Such people are constants in our lives and often we won’t even realize that we are also crushing on them. This is a very deeply seated infatuation because it is born of deep knowledge about the person. The whole trope.
‘And I know your favorite songsAnd you tell me about your dreamsI think I know where you belongI think I know it’s with me’
-You belong with me, Taylor Swift
This is a really tough one to crack if it is an unwanted one. The best way is the distance. If they’ve always been a part of your life and continue to be, you will never be able to let go. Spending less time with them and trying to fill your life up with others should help and time will eventually do the trick.
2. The Forbidden Fruit
The worst kind of crush is when we find ourselves developing an infatuation for people in the “forbidden fruit” category. We have all been there – maybe it’s a best friend’s sibling or a sibling’s best friend, maybe it’s a friend’s crush or a friend’s ex or Lord-have-mercy-on-your-soul even a friend’s significant other! Either way, we know we are doomed from the start because we know we are hands down not allowed to like this person; these people are strictly off-limits. Crushing on these people complicates everything for everyone. What makes these even harder is telling yourself it is wrong sometimes does the opposite of stopping you from wanting to pursue it. After all, we all have a taste for the dangerous.
The best and healthiest way is to confess this to someone you can truly trust – when the cat’s out of the bag, the whole dark fantasy of it largely dissipates. But if that fails, try being hyper mindful of their shortcomings and try listing negative traits that they have every time you feel affectionate towards them.
3. The Attractive Stranger
These are people in your friend’s circle, workplace or otherwise who you have insane physical chemistry with but don’t know too well. This is a category of crush you have more tools to fight against if you wish to resist. Try to ask them about social issues you feel strongly about – chances are high that Pretty Face will have regressive or ignorant views that might largely turn you off and convince you against pursuing this crush. There’s a caveat though, which is that this can backfire badly if they actually share your views. Distance and time are the best healers.
4. The Actual Interest
This crush is the deepest and hardest to get rid of because you genuinely like your crush’s personality and their views, thoughts, sense of humor, etc. It feels like endgame, but you know it is not right for you. Because this is someone you feel intellectually drawn towards, you really have your work cut out for you! Minimize your exposure to said person; the more time you are in their company, the more your brain is collecting data that it approves of. Avoid their company in person till you’ve figured out your feelings and try to socialize and meet new people to occupy your thoughts with.
A great way is to unfollow them on social media so their tantalizing selfies don’t pop up on your feed and completely destroy your progress in getting over them. Try to also block them or not let them access your social media because otherwise, every post you make will be for them. You’ll always be scrolling through your Instagram story views to see them watching your life or liking your posts and that isn’t about to help you in getting over them.
What To Do If You Have A Crush On Your Boss While In A Relationship With Another?
Even though all of us would hate to admit this, most of us have felt attraction towards our boss or someone we were subordinate to. This is often because of a natural human tendency to be attracted to power. The whole women like men in uniforms trope. However, most of the time, this crush is not deeply rooted but is a fantasy of power. You can get to know unflattering things about your boss that break this fantasy of perfection, domination, and superiority that you have in your mind. However, if you are already in a relationship, the best way is to introspect on what ways your relationship is not fulfilling your needs and forcing you into the dark desire of cheating on your partner. Every time someone cheats, it is because there is something unresolved or unfulfilling about the relationship they are in. So, ask yourself if your physical needs are being met. Rediscover romance with your partner, maybe go out on a romantic date or reminisce about the history you share with your significant other to remind you of all the good things. Honest communication is the key to sustain relationships.
You cannot know someone long-term and never fight or never experience peaks and valleys in romantic passion. But talking it out and spicing it up in the bedroom, can salvage relationships and when you have your emotional and physical needs met, you will seek them elsewhere less and less.
Furthermore, office romance has many hurdles of its own. Stay mindful of the less-than-ideal consequences, backlash, and guilt and maintain a professional distance with the boss.
How To Manage Your Crush When It Happens To Be Someone You Don’t Talk To, Or Barely Know
This crush can be pesky but is not deeply rooted because neither do you know this person well enough nor do you spend time with them. Daydreaming, solely, is, therefore, the reason why you are in torture. Train your brain to think of all the reasons why this person is clearly not into you, otherwise, they would be reciprocating, and associate every gooey thought with a negative trait about the person. Make sure you don’t follow their social media and try to center your day on yourself. Whenever your brain drifts towards them, snap it out and occupy it with other thoughts. Keep things happening in your life so you have less time to daydream.
There’s sadly no quick fix to this and most of the time, time itself breaks the spell and gets you back to normal but minimizing your crush’s presence in your life is definitely helpful. Social media is the worst in making you pine for people behind a screen. If you are truly serious about getting out of the situation, discipline yourself. Un-follow/ block them. Rant to a friend and brainstorm negatives about them. When you’re out there killing it, you won’t have time to sit around thinking about someone who is bad for you or doesn’t reciprocate your affection. Girl, you know you deserve better than that!
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé
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