I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “If you love someone, let them go…” many times before, but never really pondered upon it. It signifies the impossibility of containing or forcing someone’s love and tells you that true love needs to blossom out of absolute freedom. You simply cannot keep clinging to a person because you’re afraid of losing them, the truth is, you wouldn’t need to cling on so hard if it’s meant to be. If the bond you feel with him is true, and if the relationship between both of you is meant to be, he will come back without a doubt – that’s for sure.
Residual Love: The Reason He Will Come Back
They’ll always know you’ve wished well for them, and the feeling of love that coexisted in the relationship will linger around in his heart once he has untangled all other knots of life. That feeling of lingering memories, that won’t let you sleep at night after your separation, is termed as residual love. If he experiences that, it’ll cause him to be undecided on whether or not he really wants to cut things off with you. This means there’s a chance of him coming back too! Keep reading this article to find out the signs which indicate that he’s in this state.
6 Signs That He Is Undecided On The Break Up
1. He says ‘I love you’ after you both broke up
Often times, when people break up not because of lack of love, but because of being compelled by a certain situation, they’ll make sure to let their partner know they love them. If you ex broke up because he had to take care of more pressing priorities at the moment, or just realized he wasn’t emotionally ready to take the relationship forward, he would have said something about how he still feels affection and love for you. If this is what happened, then it’s a great positive sign that he might actually come back! It means the core foundation of the relationship is there, it’s just that he has to figure out an issue before he can reconsider getting back together.
2. He was upset at the time of parting
His behavior at the time of the breakup’s occurrence can tell a lot about his state of mind. If you feel like you received vibes of genuine sorrow from his side, for having to lose you, this is a green light for a possible renewal of the relationship. If any man seems to be scared of losing his girl, not having their love and care in the future, it clearly means he loves her. In this case, it’s imperative that you don’t text or contact them in any way whatsoever, to give them the taste of your absence, and what it actually feels like. This would trigger them to realize your importance at a deeper level.
3. He initiates conversations post-breakup
While exes may simply message each other at times to stay in touch as friends, the intentions might not always be that innocent. If he’s the one who hits you up with a text every now and then, asking you how you’re doing, it’s a possible sign that he’s undecided about the breakup. If it keeps happening, then it means he missed your company and wants to enjoy it again. At this point, he’d be jumping back and forth over the idea of getting you back with him. If this is your situation, it’s time to be unpredictable. To win him back, you’ve got to be unavailable at times as well. Make sure he doesn’t totally rule out the idea that you might date someone else soon, but we’ll discuss this more in the latter part of the post.
4. He’s asking you questions ‘as a friend’ and really cares
There’s a phase that your ex can get in with you when it’s just labeled as friendship and the mutual care between both parties keeps them in touch. If during this phase, he displays special interest in your life or asks questions about what you’ve got going on in your life, this could be an indicator that he’s trying to assess if you’re coping well with the breakup. This would generally be because he might want to get back with you, and wants you to feel the same way.
5. He makes ‘casual’ meet-up plans
It could be masked as him asking you to meet up for coffee as ‘friends’ or to ‘catch up’, but it could be a potential sign that he’s still undecided on the breakup. If he’s asking you to accompany him to an upcoming concert, or a new restaurant opening just to talk, it means he’s making plans to see you more often. He likes having you around and doesn’t want to lose you completely. It’s just a matter of how quick the chemistry rebuilds for him to be sure about renewing the relationship. Make sure you give him sneaky signs of approval for his caring and loving behavior.
6. He says he misses spending time with you
A rare, one-time ‘I miss you’ doesn’t warrant a conclusion that he possibly wants to get back with you, but saying it more frequently than usual can definitely be a green light. People could miss someone at a particular moment while still not wanting to get back with them, but if he keeps mentioning how he misses doing a certain activity with you or going to ‘your spot’ together, that means he’s putting his guard down with you. He’s telling you that it’s been hard to stay separated, and that’s a super positive sign!
Test The Waters: Can You Win Him Back?
Make sure you pay close attention to his behavior with you! Comparing the state of your affairs with the six distinct signs we’ve mentioned above can help you greatly in testing whether or not you can win him back. If some of these signs turn up as a yes in your situation, and you have this nudging feeling in your gut that he wants you back too, then it’s probably worth a shot. There are certain known factors that could cause a man to come back to you if he still likes you, and those are discussed in the following heading.
What You Can Do to Get Back Your Relationship
For the most part, four major components add up to push a guy into getting back with their ex. They’re listed as follows;
1. Give him some time
He obviously has to spend some time alone without you to realize he liked it better when you were around. Let him feel the loneliness of a dark, cold night with no one to hold on to. He might have one-night-stands, but when he has a fever with no one to take care of him, you’ll be the only thought he has.
2. Allow him space
Here, absolutely zero contact is essential. You’ll basically need to disappear away from his life, sight, and reach completely. This may seem counter-intuitive, but what you’re forgetting is that you wouldn’t vanish away from his thoughts. He’ll miss having your around when he can’t get a reply from you at all – as Passenger says “And you only need the light when it’s burning low, Only miss the sun when it starts to snow…”
3. Introduce change
Seeing a difference in the way you were, and the way you are now can have a huge impact on your ex’s thought process. Cutting off contact and showing them how they don’t matter anymore could also be an example of that too. But you need to mainly focus on making positive changes which are not for your ex, but for your own betterment.
4. Create the feeling of urgency
There’s another way of describing this, it’s called having to move on without actually moving on. Have fun, try out other people with casual dates, and enjoy this time you’ve got on your hands. If he’s keeping an eye on you, and if he has any residual feelings, this attitude will force him to make moves urgently if he wants to have you back. Without urgency, he might never take action!
Sometimes, the two parties entwined with each other have different expectations from the relationship. One person may be looking to have a shoulder to rest on, seeking a partner that offers to lend an ear when you’ve got bad days, but that might not always get reciprocated by the other person. In this way, men aren’t always totally ready for what you may be looking to achieve with them in a relationship, and understandably so. He might have other, more daunting worries to deal with at the moment.
If you’ve broken up over such a compelling outside situation with love still left in between, there’s always a chance that he may want to get back with you a bit later on. This article guides you through the signs of confirming his residual feelings and provides an action plan to take your best shot at winning him back. All the best!
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé